


Instruments to Sight the Stars (I've Seen Too Much)

by newyorktopaloalto



Series: Derry's Premier Murder/Turtle Cult [4]
Category: IT - Stephen King
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Chatlogs, Crack Treated Seriously, Every IT canon wrapped into one fic, F/M, Humor, Losers Club (IT) Friendship, M/M, Multi, Post-Canon, Texting, Twitter, heavy formatting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-30
Updated: 2019-11-30
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:15:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,114
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21612889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/newyorktopaloalto/pseuds/newyorktopaloalto
Summary: Bill Denbrough ✔ @billdenbrough58Check out@locallegendspod’s new episode about Derry, ME tomorrow. (Please stop asking if it was a case of demonic possession and if ‘The Devil’s Pasture’ is based on my childhood.)Audra Phillips Denbrough ✔ @audraaadenif@billdenbrough58were writing the story of his childhood, there would be a lot more tragicomic nostalgia.[Murder-clown cults, 'Make fun of Bill Denbrough' day, a trip to Vegas, and more!]
Relationships: Ben Hanscom/Beverly Marsh, Bill Denbrough/Audra Phillips, Bill Denbrough/Mike Hanlon/Audra Phillips, Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier, Patricia Blum Uris/Stanley Uris
Series: Derry's Premier Murder/Turtle Cult [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1522892
Comments: 24
Kudos: 314





	Instruments to Sight the Stars (I've Seen Too Much)

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Don't own IT. Title from Megadeth's 'Hangar 18'. 
> 
> This series is never going to end - I'm planning a 'B Side' that's a series of fics that take place during and between the e-media works. 
> 
> Thank you for reading, and I hope that you continue to enjoy!

**highway to purgatory @3001whales** i awaken to ‘he thrusts his fists against the post & still insists he sees the ghosts’ in my brain. fuckin creepy _@billdenbrough58_

 **Bill Denbrough ✔ @billdenbrough58** _@3001whales_ Imagine having to recite that constantly as a child. The best horror stems from reality.

> **6,472 users liked this tweet**

* * *

**Losers Club 2.0**

**[22:34] Bev** A guy remembers his childhood and suddenly every book he writes is going to be about it.

 **[22:35] Bev** Its tired, Bill. 

**[23:51] Richie** it’s trite, Bill. 

**[23:52] Eddie** It’s exhausting, Bill. 

**[04:12] Ben** It’s cliché, Bill. 

**[05:28] Stan** It’s becoming a trope, Bill. 

**[05:36] Patty** It’s strange, Bill. 

**[07:17] Mike** It’s disturbing, Bill. 

**[07:25] Bill** I hate every single one of you. 

**[07:26] Mike** hahahaha. 

**[07:28] Richie** no you don’t, you love us. 

**[07:28] Richie** i send besos, and i send them from Eddie too. 

**[07:29] Bill** Not accepted. 

**[07:30] Eddie** :(

 **[07:31] Eddie** Richie woke me up to write this so… 

**[07:31] Eddie** :(

 **[07:34] Audra** I really wish I were here for this, but alas, I was shooting. 

**[07:35] Audra** But honestly, Bill, get a new schtick. 

**[07:36] Bill** I am going to divorce you. 

**[07:37] Mike** Good, I’m going to swoop in. 

**[07:38] Richie** two for the price of one. good deal, Mike. 

**[07:38] Bill** I am going to put you all on blast. 

**[07:39] Mike** Bill looks so proud of that line it’s almost disgusting. 

**[07:40] Audra** William trying to keep in touch with the youth. 

**[07:40] Audra** Good for you, honey. 

**[07:41] Stan** Please take your flirting elsewhere. 

**[07:41] Stan** I will put you all at a minus eleven and roll a ten-sided die. 

**[07:42] Eddie** I don’t think that makes sense, but I also don’t know enough about nerd stuff to dispute it. 

**[07:43] Richie** Eddie Kaspbrak, getting off a good one! 

**[07:44] Stan** I will boot the both of you, as well--don’t test me. 

**[07:45] Bill** You weren’t talking about them?

**Stan** left the chat

* * *

  
**Bill**  
Were you talking about Audra, Mike, and I? 

**Stan**  
Obviously. 

**Bill**  
Well, can you not? Auds and I are trying to be subtle. 

**Stan**  
Richie said that Mike gets a two-for-one deal and Mike didn’t say anything. 

**Stan**  
Besides that, subtlety went out the window after Audra met him for the first time. 

**Bill**  
He’s finally living his life for the first time, okay, Stanley? 

**Bill**  
We don’t want to encroach on that. 

**Stan**  
You’re both idiots. 

**Stan**  
But I see my bet on Mike was not misplaced. 

**Bill**  
What bet?

**Stan**  
Doesn’t matter--add me back to the chat. 

### 

**Local Legends Pod ✔ @locallegendspod** Tomorrow’s podcast: Derry, Maine; Part 1. Special thanks to _@billdenbrough58_ & _@thefakerichietozier_ for their contributions to the episode. 

**🐢turtle cult🐢 @tozierfan10101** i did my waiting. 12 years of it. IN AZKABAN _@locallegendspod_

 **lisa 👽 @agentlisascully** _@tozierfan10101_ bitch me too??? 

**keepin’ it weird @thejersiestdevil** from what I’ve read aliens make more sense than cults

 **Richie “Trash Raccoon” Tozier ✔ @thefakerichietozier** i think turtle and clown cults make a lot more sense than turtle and clown aliens _@thejersiestdevil_

 **Bill Denbrough ✔ @billdenbrough58** _@thejersiestdevil @thefakerichietozier_ I believe in aliens, but not like that. 

**Bill Denbrough ✔ @billdenbrough** Check out _@locallegendspod_ ’s new episode about Derry, ME tomorrow. (Please stop asking if it was a case of demonic possession and if ‘The Devil’s Pasture’ is based on my childhood.) 

**Audra Phillips Denbrough ✔ @audraaaden** if _@billdenbrough58_ were writing the story of his childhood, there would be a lot more tragicomic nostalgia. 

**I… Am a Librarian @mikehanlon** _@audraaaden_ The ghosts of the past and the winds of the future winter. Tragicomic was our MO. 

**Audra Phillips Denbrough ✔ @audraaaden** [shialabeoufapplause.gif] _@mikehanlon_. make room on the mantle _@billdenbrough58_ because there’s a new writer in town. (even if he ruined it at the end). 

**Audra Phillips Rumors & News @lacikay2004news** Audra Phillips tweets mystery librarian (?), Mike Hanlon again. Link here.  


> **@dizaminnelli replied to @lacikay2004news**  
> 
>
>> affair????

 **Page Six ✔ @PageSix** _@audraaaden_ once again tweeting _@mikehanlon_ with no word from husband _@billdenbrough58_.

 **Beverly Marsh ✔ @marshfashions** Whose husband _@PageSix_?  


> **@billdenbrough58 replied to @marshfashions**  
> 
>
>> Mike’s, obviously

 **MARIA @agirlnamedmaria** who is this mystery man _@leslienoooope_ that our parents are so into???

 **Final Girls Club @leslienoooope** idk _@agirlnamedmaria_ but their my new ot3

* * *

  
**Richie**  
affair????

**Bill**  
Shut the fuck up, Richie - I will gut you the way Pennywise should’ve. 

**Eddie**  
Affair???

**Ben**  
Affair??

**Bill**  
Who’s even in this group text?

**Mike**  
Affair???

**Richie**  
oh shit, I didn’t mean to add you. 

**Richie**  
i’m old, I don’t know how to use technology. 

**Bev**  
Likely story. 

**Richie**  
;)))

* * *

**Richie “Trash Raccoon” Tozier ✔ @thefakerichietozier** hypothetically, how much cash money would I make if I sold you a story _@PageSix_? 

**Beverly Marsh ✔ @marshfashions** I’m selling the story _@thefakerichietozier_. Need me that sweet honeymoon money. 

**Richie “Trash Raccoon” Tozier ✔ @thefakerichietozier** _@marshfashions_ tough luck, sweetheart, I got there first. 

**I… Am a Librarian @mikehanlon** _@marshfashions @thefakerichietozier_ Sorry, guys, no story selling - if anyone’s going to do it, it’s going to be me. 

**Stanley Uris @stantheman** _@mikehanlon_ like

 **Patricia @pattystweeter** _@stantheman_ Who ARE you? 

**Ben Hanscom 🏠 ✔ @benhanscomdesign** Did you get a twitter just for this, _@pattystweeter_? Because if so, you’ve taken Stan’s place in my lineup. 

**Patricia @pattystweeter** _@benhanscomdesign_ I wish. 

**shine bright @likeadiamond** _@pattystweeter_ new addition to this weird group of celebrity friends and cohorts. 

**😎😎liz😎😎 @lizzieliz** _@likeadiamond_ i am confusion 

**Eddie Kaspbrak ✔ @eddiek** _@benhanscomdesign_ What lineup? 

**🐢turtle cult🐢 @tozierfan10101** _@eddiek_ got verified!

 **is mayonnaise an instrument? @richardtozierd** congrats _@eddiek_!

 **Beverly Marsh ✔ @marshfashions** _@eddiek_ Losers he would bang. 

**murder your childhood bully @kafkasroach** yay _@eddiek_!!!!!

 **Eddie Kaspbrak ✔ @eddiek** I’m above Rich, right _@marshfashions_?

 **Beverly Marsh ✔ @marshfashions** No, sorry _@eddiek_.

 **Richie “Trash Raccoon” Tozier ✔ @thefakerichietozier** _@marshfashions_ that sounds fake. 

**Eddie Kaspbrak ✔ @eddiek** _@thefakerichietozier_ :)))

* * *

  
**Eds**  
You don’t even know how laid you’re getting tonight. 

**Eds**  
I am going to make you forget everything but my name and ‘more’. 

**Richie**  
oh my god get home soon. 

**Richie**  
break those traffic laws, babe.

**Richie**  
i was going to send a sexy selfie but i look like a dumbass. 

**Eds**  
I have an inkling I’d find it attractive anyway. 

* * *

**Losers Club 2.0**

**[17:52] Bev** The lineup, by popular demand:

 **[17:52] Ben** Beverly, this is unnecessary. 

**[17:53] Bill** This is entirely necessary, Haystack. 

**[17:54] Bev** 1\. Beverly; 2. Richie; 3/4. Audra; 3/4. Patty; 5. Mike; 6. Eddie; 7. Stan; 8. Bill. 

**[17:55] Richie** holy. fuck. 

**[17:55] Eddie** Is it still necessary, Bill? 

**[17:56] Bill** Why is it that I cannot figure out how to leave a group chat? 

**[17:56] Mike** Bill: ‘I thought he had a crush on me’

 **[17:57] Mike** Bill: ‘That’s what he said on twitter.’ 

**[17:57] Stan** A broken man. 

**[17:58] Mike** Bill: ‘Oh my God, were they all just making fun of me?’ 

**[17:58] Ben** I’m not really into dudes and I just had to go with my gut. 

**[17:59] Mike** Then why is Richie number 2? Before Audra and Patty. 

**[17:59] Ben** Unrelated reasons. 

**[18:00] Eddie** ???

### 

  
**Beverly**  
Do you just want to elope instead? 

**Beverly**  
Because all these arrangements are making me crazy. 

**Ben**  
When and where?

* * *

**Losers Club 2.0**

**[20:34] Bev** Ben and I are eloping two weekends from now - get your time off.

 **[20:34] Bev** I already checked your schedules so I know none of you have plans. 

**[20:34] Richie** excuse you, I had plans. 

**[20:35] Stan** Sex doesn’t count, and you can do it in a hotel room. 

**[20:35] Eddie** You are disgusting, Stan. 

**[20:35] Mike** Congratulations!!!! 

**[20:36] Audra** congrat. 

**[20:36] Eddie** They’re not getting engaged, they’re just moving up their timeline to almost unreasonable levels. 

**[20:37] Richie** you pregnant? 

**[20:37] Bev** I love all of you. 

**[20:38] Ben** She is going to murder all of you when she sees you. 

**[20:38] Ben** Also, I’m getting married in two weeks, which is news to me. 

**[20:39] Stan** You didn’t know? 

**[20:39] Patty** Good job, Bev--lock that shit down. 

**[20:40] Bev** It’s going to be in vegas at ben’s hotel. 

**[20:40] Mike** You have a hotel? 

**[20:41] Ben** No, I designed it. But it was special for the owner, so whenever I’m in town he lets me stay there. 

**[20:41] Patty** Enough with the rich people shit, I don’t need this bougie tomfoolery.

 **[20:41] Stan** Unless the tomfoolery means we all stay there for considerably cheaper. 

**[20:42] Ben** Well, if noone minds sharing a suite, it’ll be free. 

**[20:42] Audra** What does ‘sharing’ mean? Because I have a standing reservation at the Bellagio whenever I’m in town, and Mike and I can stay there. 

**[20:43] Bill** And Bill. 

**[20:43] Audra** [icantreadsuddenly.gif]

 **[20:44] Richie** who else wants to go to every Cirque du Soleil show possible? 

**[20:44] Richie** did you guys know that Donnie and Marie Osmund have residency???? 

**[20:45] Stan** How have you done so many shows in Vegas without knowing all of this already? 

**[20:45] Richie** la to Vegas is like a 2 hour flight - i would just go back after the show. 

**[20:46] Richie** but seriously i’m buying Cirque tickets, so who else wants to go? 

**[20:47] Patty** Only if it’s the topless one.

### 

**Richie “Trash Raccoon” Tozier ✔ @thefakerichietozier** wish there was an Elvis impersonator, but the wedding was pretty alright otherwise. [bevbenwedding.png] 

**Richie “Trash Raccoon” Tozier ✔ @thefakerichietozier** also got _@mikehanlon_ to dance, which--i can see why he doesn’t usually.

 **not just blue @pradapradalouboutin** _@lily7porter_ um according to here, Bev Marsh got married over the weekend

 **spit marking material @lily7porter** won’t believe it until fully confirmed _@pradapradalouboutin_

 **I… Am a Librarian @mikehanlon** Never again _@thefakerichietozier_. Never again will I dance whilst totally obliterated. 

**Eddie Kaspbrak ✔ @eddiek** Is that your excuse, _@mikehanlon_? 

**Bill Denbrough ✔ @billdenbrough58** _@eddiek @mikehanlon @thefakerichietozier_ Mike danced the night away and it was glorious. 

**Beverly Marsh ✔ @marshfashions** Tie headband _@mikehanlon_!  


> **@billdenbrough58 replied to @marshfashions**  
> 
>
>> pic or it doesn’t count

 **Beverly Marsh ✔ @marshfashions** _@mikehanlon_ with a tie headband at 1:30 in the morning [mikewedding.jpeg]. As you can see, the reception was nine people in a hotel suite.  


> **@billdenbrough58 @audraaaden @pattystweeter & 526 other users liked this tweet**

**kicking names and taking ass @johnniecomelightly** okay does anyone else think there’s a weird threesome going on between the denbroughs and this hanlon guy?

 **TMZ ✔ @TMZ** Marriage between _@marshfashions_ and _benhanscomdesign_ CONFIRMED. Las Vegas, Nevada; 11 DECEMBER 2017. 

**Patricia @pattystweeter** I didn’t know my life wasn’t complete until I saw that topless acrobatic show in Vegas. 

**lisa 👽 @agentlisascully** how do you sign up to be friends with all these guys _@pattystweeter_????? i need the secrets. 

**who killed laura @snohomishjen** _@agentlisascully_ IKR?!

 **Richie “Trash Raccoon” Tozier ✔ @thefakerichietozier** 1\. arcade; 2. the husk of a Blockbuster Video; 3. comic book store. i will let twitter decide.  


> **@richardtozierd replied to @thefakerichietozier**  
> 
>
>> 2 Blockbuster, for sure. Decide what?

  


> **@jumpingtotheleft replied to @thefakerichietozier**  
> 
>
>> 3!!!!

  


>  **@stantheman replied to @thefakerichietozier**  
> 
>
>> 4\. Stand pipe.

 **Bill Denbrough ✔ @billdenbrough58** I am beginning to believe that _@stantheman_ was secretly part of the clown cult all along.

 **Stanley 🐢 Uris @stantheman** I am not, nor have I ever been, part of a murder-clown cult. Do something about your fans _@billdenbrough58_. 

**Stanley 🐢 Uris @stantheman** I saw how things would go without me and I saved all of you, okay? Don’t do me like this _@billdenbrough58_. 

**Bill Denbrough ✔ @billdenbrough58** I would like to make a correction to my previous tweet: it was a joke. Please do not attack _@stantheman_ on twitter. 

**viscera horror @notrebecca** sounds like something someone being blackmailed by a murder-clown cult would say _@billdenbrough58_

 **Audra Phillips Denbrough ✔ @audraaaden** I just received a ransom email??? But it’s from _@stantheman_ ’s account, so… 

**Stanley 🐢 Uris @stantheman** _@audraaaden_ Et tu? 

**Patricia @pattystweeter** I can’t believe I married a man in a murder-clown cult. As the youth say, good thing I’m ride or die. (Do the youth say that?)

 **Jack-in-the-Box Jesus @emilyyyyp** i am youth and i say it _@pattystweeter_

 **josie and the puddytats @thesomething** _@pattystweeter_ can confirm, am youth

* * *

  
**Stan**  
Does your old divorce lawyer have a branch near Atlanta? 

**Stan**  
Oops. 

**Stan**  
Sorry, Pats, I meant to send this to Bev. 

**Patty**  
That’s fine--I’ll just move in with Richie. 

**Patty**  
Apparently he’s great for after divorce. 

**Stan**  
[Can you also please pick up some OJ on your way home to pack? We’re out.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22125601)

**Patty**  
Hmmm, I wonder who keeps drinking it all and then forgetting to put it on the shopping list. 

**Stan**  
Much appreciated, thanks! 

**Author's Note:**

> xoxo


End file.
